While sipping on a cuppa joe one evening at the only real biker coffee shop in san Francisco, high atop Potrero Hill, I was assailed by my good old buddy Bonk’s yammering on about his new heroes. I should qualify that Bonk is not easily impressed, he’s raced everything on 2 or 4 wheels, is a master metal smith and mechanic, has a shop to die for and is completely mad. So I was intrigued to hear about all these intrepid souls who had impressed him so profoundly.

When was the last time ya took ya motorcycle on a road trip to say Seattle or indeed any place? (You do ride a motorcycle right?) when was the last time ya took to the city streets terrorizing the traffic and generally causing motorized mayhem into the wee hours? When did ya last get over a hundred miles to the gallon? When was the time ya called ya buddies in a froth coz ya squeezed over 45 miles and hour outta ya ride?? Iffen you don’t got an immediate answer to all the above questions then ya probably don’t ride a moped and ya definitely don’t belong to the Creatures of the Loin. Which means that ya probably old and or square – Daddio.

Usually meeting and outlaw gang with the specific purpose of writing about them would conjure up images of hogs, colors, broken limbs and the folly of Hunter S. Thompson. Jay, my main man on the inside, assured me that this is a different kettle of fish, though. For although the Creatures have an awesomely bad attitude, it’s all about the fun. They appear to be a heady mix of Bosuzuku, delivery boy and circus troupe, with a healthy jigger of art school dropout. That’s not to say that I didn’t feel like I was getting some kinda vibe when I asked to ride along with them on my Japanese streetfighter- no pedals!

Founding members, Benji and G-man, do take this shit pretty seriously, earning a living selling and servicing moped as well as organizing group rides and events, not to mention running the website. You rarely see genuine enthusiasm like this in a motorcycle club anymore and I have to give them props for doing such a bang up job. Along with my man Jay, who is way, way cooler than you are, I met Zach who is only 17 and already a moped psycho, Harold who was riding a moped held together with duct tape and good intentions after a Nob Hill get-off and Shakrah who was proudly showing off yards of her road rash.

Members come from all strata of society: students, attorneys, unemployed yobos, video store managers and research scientists. Suprisingly there were about twice the number of female members to males, and everyone I met shared a passion for everything moped. In fact, when asked, only one or two voiced even a remote interest in motorcycles.

The Creatures as a group are members of the Moped Army, a national organization devoted to the "moped lifestyle". There’s talk about two-stroke power and the marginalization of the moped. Their motto is "Swarm and Destroy". There are 250 Full time members and at least 25 others to back them up if things get Ruff! Among the branches nationwide are: The Decepticons, The Guns, Motion Left and the Bombardment Society. Urban Guerillas indeed.

After the meeting the gang went cruising , as soon as they got moving they took possession of the city streets, asking no quarter from bigger, faster vehicles and giving none in return. Buzzing around the city in a cloud of blue smoke with scant regard for anyone or anything that wasn’t on a moped. I found myself charging up a particular winding street heading for a rendezvous with the gang and being completely overwhelmed by the scent of premix as I caught up with the group. Absofukkinlutely

I gotta say that this was some of the most fun I’ve had in years, these guys are fukkin metal, and there was still time to get back to the bar before closing time.

If ya up to it, the Creatures of the Loin can be found at:

The Moped Army at:

article by dave sarf, as seen in urban moto sf issue #6 pg. 6